Archive | June, 2015

3 months old

17 Jun

Dear sweet Wren-

you are 3 months old today! You are sleeping in your swing, gently snoring, with your hands behind your head. (That is your favorite position for catching some shut eye and it’s so stinking cute.) I can’t believe you’ve been a member of the human race for 3 whole months. It’s gone by so fast and I’m so glad I got to hang out with you for as long as I did before going back to work.

Right now, we (you and your dad and Slim and me) are all adjusting to a new schedule. You seem to do just great at the sitter’s during the day and I just love it when I come home and you are still awake. You are pretty happy to see me and the feeling is mutual, little darling.

You are really into waking up at 130 am and then again around 330 or 4 am, which is not that awesome. We are working thru it. You are also currently enjoying breastmilk and tolerating formula. You seem to like diaper blowouts and walks in your baby bjorn. You hang out the side of that thing like you are channelling Evil Knevil. You are pretty fun- you love staying up with your Dad and I till all hours. You definitely suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) but I use to have the same affliction so I get it. You are also digging the following things: trying patience, car rides and collecting lint in your hands. So. Much. Lint.

You are so fun and I can’t wait to see what kind of things you end up liking and disliking. What will inspire you and what will irritate you. It’s wonderful getting to know you.

I love you oh so much, little girl. Happy 3 months!

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3 Jun

Tomorrow I go back to work. After 12 weeks of laughing, crying, screaming, smiling, learning to love this little tiny human through all the sleepless night and breastfeeding trials, I am going back to work. It is an awful feeling. One of anxiety and nervousness¬†mixed with doubt and guilt. I’ve read countless articles on how to cope with going back to work and listened, with open ears, ¬†to all the advice my mom (who was a working mom) and my close girlfriends who are mothers have offered. It’s all been comforting and helpful and yet here I still sit overwhelmed by fear about leaving my daughter for 9.5 hours tomorrow. I know she’ll be fine and that its going to be harder for me than it is for her but dammit I just don’t want to leave her. I NEVER thought I would be a mother who cried about going back to work. I never thought I’d be in a position where my husband’s income is enough and the possibility of staying home is real. I never thought the choice between staying and going would be so impossible to make. There’s no right answer, I know but I just wish someone would tell me what to do.

So, I’m going back. Tonight, I’ll give my baby a bath and pack her bag. I’ll try to get some sleep and then in the morning, I’ll start a new chapter in my life. Wish me luck.image