3 Jun

Tomorrow I go back to work. After 12 weeks of laughing, crying, screaming, smiling, learning to love this little tiny human through all the sleepless night and breastfeeding trials, I am going back to work. It is an awful feeling. One of anxiety and nervousness mixed with doubt and guilt. I’ve read countless articles on how to cope with going back to work and listened, with open ears,  to all the advice my mom (who was a working mom) and my close girlfriends who are mothers have offered. It’s all been comforting and helpful and yet here I still sit overwhelmed by fear about leaving my daughter for 9.5 hours tomorrow. I know she’ll be fine and that its going to be harder for me than it is for her but dammit I just don’t want to leave her. I NEVER thought I would be a mother who cried about going back to work. I never thought I’d be in a position where my husband’s income is enough and the possibility of staying home is real. I never thought the choice between staying and going would be so impossible to make. There’s no right answer, I know but I just wish someone would tell me what to do.

So, I’m going back. Tonight, I’ll give my baby a bath and pack her bag. I’ll try to get some sleep and then in the morning, I’ll start a new chapter in my life. Wish me luck.image

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